Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
