If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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