apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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