i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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