Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
i've created a new STD.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I have peed in a lot of sinks
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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