Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
