You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize