i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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