I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
