i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
