just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
