I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
