I must be too annoying 4 u.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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