So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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