high people should be assigned attendants
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
