I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
