There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
