put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
