ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
