Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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