I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
