Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
