Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
