What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
