it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
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just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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