writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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