Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
