More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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