my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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