My underwear smells like fireworks.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
