my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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