I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
