It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
