lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Randomize
