I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
