New low: just hacked my moms facebook
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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