I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Reggie can tackle my bush.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
