I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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