I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
