Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
