it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Randomize
