Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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