bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
