God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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