I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Best friends brother. Beat that.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
