What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
