i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize