Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Just cropdusted the office
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
