Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
