Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
