Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
