at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
