your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
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i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
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That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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