trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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