Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
