I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
