My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
