this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
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