I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
