If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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