I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
