Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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