When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
