Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
