Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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