I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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