Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
