Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
