i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
