he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
