nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
