He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
