Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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