Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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