You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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