When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i barfeds in our rink
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
