Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
